


Clusterfuck

by BlueLoops



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22393345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueLoops/pseuds/BlueLoops
Summary: Lapis tries to catch up with her old friends Amethyst and Jasper only to have feelings for Jasper at the completely wrong time
Kudos: 3





	1. Patience

Lapis stared at the laptop in front of her for a long, _long_ time. Work was slow today, per usual at this hour. It was 8:00pm, which gave her another full hour until the shift was over; it seemed to be dragging on for forever. It certainly didn't help that she couldn't stop thinking of the tall, muscular, long-haired woman she had encountered yesterday on her way to work.

Lapis lost focus on the screen and turned to one of her tattoo designs on the wall: a teardrop-shape with wings coming out from it. The tear was filled with patterns and shapes while the wings were nice and smooth, like water. She had one like it on her own back. It was her first design, which could easily be seen from the broken form of the shapes that made up the design. Nevertheless, it had a certain charm about it. It reminded her of Jasper. She ran her fingers along the black stubs of hair lining her neck. Thinking of Jasper this much made her feel breathless, like she was drowning. It seemed like every time she had tried to text her she said the wrong thing, or there was prolonged silence. Usually both. She felt tempted to reach for her phone again, but stopped herself to turn to the document.

"Fuck," she said to herself.

She closed the laptop, knowing that it was a mistake. Lapis had a terribly bad habit of spilling herself to people, and she had an unusual comfort with Jasper. 

_"The next time you go into personal detail about your life I will not be so nice."_

The words hung over her head, lingering. Lapis knew that she had to write this. She opened her laptop quickly, and typed a mere five words:

_fuck, i really like her._

The top of the laptop came down fast, as she contemplated that statement for a moment.

To say that Amethyst was pissed was an understatement. Lapis _did_ have a gift with pissing people off.

Lapis hadn't seen Amethyst in quite some time, along with Jasper. When they all went separate ways after college, and Lapis started working at a tattoo parlor, the two had drifted away from her. They had both gotten jobs at Beach CIty and saw each other frequently when Lapis had moved to Keystone. Lapis still thought about them and missed them quite a bit, but it was obvious that they didn't feel the same, and after pissing off Amethyst, she barely had contact with Jasper. Amethyst was stubborn, but Jasper somehow was willing to text her now and then.

Lapis began to pack up her laptop and put her phone in her pocket, closing the parlor to head back home. Usually she drove to and from work, but this time she had chosen to walk. The temperature was cool, with a subtle breeze flowing through Lapis's short, blue hair. Streetlights lit Lapis in a way that made her appear to be glowing. Keystone wasn't a particularly large or populated, but it wasn't short of stores or restaurants. It was quite serene, with most people in their homes, though the occasional group of college students running about.

Lapis turned the key in the lock of her apartment, heading inside. It was a moderately sized apartment: a decently sized living room when you walk in, with Lapis's bedroom to the far side of the living room and a kitchen to the left. Lapis laid back in her bed, contemplative.

Then, Lapis heard a knock on the door.

"Lazuliiiiiiiii!" the girl screeched.

Lapis got up to answer the door, seeing a shorter, slender blonde girl on the other side. She wore thick, rounded glasses and had specks of freckles on her cheeks. She was wearing her signature green alien hoodie. Peridot was about as pure as nerds could ever get.

"Well, you going to let me in or what?" the small girl asked.

Lapis simply smirked with cockiness as she gestured her hand towards the inside of her apartment. She surely wasn't expecting Peridot; they haven't spoken for quite some time. Peridot made herself comfortable on Lapis's couch. 

"So, how've you been?" Peridot asked.

Lapis wasn't quite sure how to answer that question. Her mood seemed to be constantly in a state of great anxiety recently, mostly because of her encounter with her past friend, and of course, the fact that she felt differently for Jasper. Other than that, the tattoo parlor has been less than interesting: not many absurd requests, aside from underage teens requesting dicks.

"Alright, I guess. Nothing too interesting has happened lately," Lapis said, laying back on the couch next to Peridot. 

"Hmm, maybe we should go out," Peridot requested, certainly less shy than the last time Lapis had seen her.

"I could use some time out," Lapis agreed. 

Lapis grabbed her leather jacket and pack of cigarettes as they headed out for the night.

* * *

"No, Pierre is objectively the best for Percy!" Peridot scowled as Lapis laughed.

"I actually like Paulette, believe it or not."

Peridot gasped, stopping in her tracks; she choked on her words. "Lapis! How could you..!?" 

Lapis smirked, looking down at Peridot as she held the cigar between her fingers. "Hey, Paulette can be kinda cool sometimes," she countered. Peridot continued to groan.

Per usual, the night was rather quiet and dark, with the exception of the streetlights that made up a portion of Keystone. Just enough lighting to see Peri's eyebrows furrow in frustration from Lapis's liking to Paulette. _It was admittedly rather cute how defensive she could be about these things,_ Lapis thought, chuckling to herself. Lapis looked up at the sky, though most of it was rather foggy and cloudy, making it rather difficult to make out the night sky. There was just something about getting outside and seeing a dark blanket over you that seemed rather.. comforting. It was fairly quiet aside from the subtle engines of cars here and there. As they approached a warehouse-looking building, the silence from earlier was progressively masked. They walked inside.

The building was packed. _Shot at the Night_ echoed loudly; Lapis raised her eyebrow and laughed. _The Killers? Really?_

"I'm going to get us some drinks," Peridot told her, barely audible over The Killers. 

Lapis put her cigar between her teeth as she was immersed in the tightly packed, sweaty and drunk crowd. She made her way past them, towards the sidelines. It was dark, only lit by multicolored bright lights, as her blue hair had a red glow on the tips. She turned to scan the scene, until she laid her eyes upon a familiar face. Despite the lighting she could make out the tall, long-haired woman that made her stomach turn. She could make out Jasper lifting her glass to her lips, seemingly alone at the moment. Lapis adored how magnificent Jasper looked with the glow of the lights shining across her chiseled face structure, the way that her eyes fell as if each drink was a kiss for her.

Lapis noticed herself staring at the other woman, turning away. She loved seeing Jasper; the rush of energy that she felt throughout her body, the pounding of her heart. This is also what made her dislike seeing Jasper at the same time. Lapis scolded herself; her and Jasper had just started talking again, Jasper was dating someone else, and her feelings were probably, _most definitely_ irrational. Still, Lapis couldn't help imagining kissing her: letting her mind wander too much-to Jasper approaching her as everything else sat still, her tall figure towering over her. Everything still, as their lips joined together. But everything wasn't still.

Peridot returned with their drinks, noticing Lapis seeming to be lost in some reverie. 

"Hey Lapis, you alright?"

Lapis jumped, turning to the blonde holding their drinks. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she had completely forgot about Peridot.

"Uhhhh yeah.."

Lapis's gaze continued to be fixed on Jasper, who hasn't moved from the barstool at all. Peridot cocked an eyebrow at this as she began to read the situation.

"Jasper? Seriously?" Peridot criticizes.

Lapis jumps, trying to make out words as she thinks, _dear god why does Peridot have to be so smart?_

"U-uhhh I uhmm.. she is taken so no.." Lapis could feel her cheeks flush, thankfully hidden by the dark lighting.

Peridot looks over to the side for a moment, then back at her.

"Oh."

Lapis look down, ashamed. "We're just friends, Dot. Not even good friends. I mean, we used to be really close..! Its just.. different now." She bites her lip. "I want to talk to her but everything's just.. weird..!"

"Maybe you should talk to her," Peridot says.

Lapis sighs. "Peridot its-"

"C'mon, just talk a little. You'll never become close again if you don't talk." Peridot did have a point. "Look, you clod, obviously it isn't the right time to tell her anything about what you're feeling now, but maybe in time.."

"I'm not a very patient person, Peridot..!" Lapis says, raising her voice out of desperation. She felt as if her entire body was going to collapse.

"Well maybe you should practice."

Lapis finds herself alongside Jasper before she can even realize how she got there. They had grown so distant over the years that a lot of times trying to build a relationship again felt so forced that it felt like a giant weight on her chest. 

"Hey Jasper," Lapis mustered out awkwardly.

"Hey," Jasper says, acknowledging her, yet still seems to be focusing her eyes on her drink rather than looking at Lapis. 

Lapis ran her fingers through her hair, as she noticed them becoming sweaty as she became more anxious. "So, how've you been?" she asks Jasper, not expecting much in return.

"Good, I guess."

Lapis finds herself looking more at the back of Jasper's hair rather than her eyes; it seemed like it was always so, so difficult to capture Jasper's attention with anything outside of a few categories of discussion, such as art and cartoons. With anyone else, Lapis deeply disliked that she couldn't share her video games and art because most people her age had grown out of it. Yet, she continued to pursue these interests somehow, either out of nostalgia or pure interest, or both. And yet, when she talked to Jasper, she wanted to talk about the _exact opposite_ topics.

Maybe this was the philosophy that "the grass is always greener on the other side," or maybe it was her desire to show Jasper that she was a cool person to be around: for Jasper to like her again, beyond her art skills and tastes in cartoons.

"So, I did this tattoo for a guy who's apparently a popular local guitarist," Lapis starts, wondering if she's boasting about herself too much. She scrolls through her phone to find the picture to show Jasper, her hands shaking a little, though it doesn't seem like Jasper notices, or cares to notice.

"Whoa..," Jasper starts, looking at the picture on Lapis's phone, shocked. "I'm sorry I'm just.. at a loss for words.."

Lapis's phone depicted a massive, hyperrealistic guitar over the man's side, surrounded by a great deal of shapes and designs, adding a significant amount of detail to the piece. Lapis manages to cough up a chuckle. "Thanks, Jasper."

Jasper offers a smile before turning her back towards Lapis once again, Lapis grimacing in sight frustration. _So hard to retain that attention.._ Lapis makes a last ditch effort to add a comment about the book that she had started reading, when she realized that she was being ignored. _God, why do I have to be so fucking dumb.._ Lapis thought to herself. _Of course Jasper wouldn't care; when has she ever cared about books of all things?_ The books of course comforted her, feeling relatable in a sense to how she felt towards Jasper, but Jasper couldn't understand. It would all make sense if Lapis could just tell Jasper how she felt, but she knew she couldn't. She couldn't tell Jasper that she gave her so much anxiety that she couldn't sleep. She couldn't tell Jasper that she listened to Portugal the Man so much because it reminded her of Jasper. She couldn't tell Jasper that she was so comforted by her that she trusted her with her hardships, despite Jasper insisting that she shouldn't. She just had to hold it in.

Lapis of course had a habit of talking too much, and finding herself being ignored mid sentence quite frequently. She figured that she was just not a very interesting or appealing, which would explain her lack of friends. That, which, of course stimulated the last ditch effort to restore the friendship that she had with Jasper and Amethyst three years ago. It seemed like that would also fail. Miserably. Even one slip-up could make her fall through the last bit of thin ice that she was on with Jasper. It wouldn't be like last time.


	2. Nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis gives Jasper a tattoo

The next day was slow, as usual. Lapis had made some conversation with Jasper the night prior, though not much before she went to bed. Today was particularly different, as Lapis's foggy vision began to clear and her eyes could make out the feet at the end of her bed.

Lapis had realized the conversation that she had with Jasper last night, her eyes widening instantly.

"Sorry, I'm not great at talking to people.." she had told her.  
"''Ts all cool, man. I get it." Lapis had sworn that she had s seen a smile creep up on the other girl's lips. She smiled back.  
"You're a tattoo artist, then?"  
Lapis nodded. "Yes, I am." She held her hands by her thighs.  
"I've been looking for a good tattooist because I've been planning on getting a tattoo for a while," Jasper started. "You see, I'm not great with trust; but hey, maybe I could give you a chance."

Lapis had scheduled an appointment with Jasper after work.

Work was slow, which was expected on a Monday. Lapis spent the majority of her time staring at the laptop, contemplating her writing.

_Jasper's driving me insane._

She looked at these words and furrowed her brows in confusion. Yes, Jasper was indeed driving her insane. But at the same time, Lapis couldn't get enough of Jasper. She couldn't even explain why she couldn't get enough of her. She was just so.. _Jasper._ Lapis scolded herself for being irrational again as she shut her laptop.

She focused on designing Jasper's tattoo: a diamond shape gem with a banner across it that read "Jasper." Lapis was actually quite proud of her work. She began inking the shapes on the paper, before she paused her 80s rock. She shifted through her Spotify music until she found something particularly intriguing: her Chainsmokers playlist was still there from back in high school. She laughed, smiling at her stupid but yet not quite childish nostalgia from her high school years, back with Jasper. The two had spent so much time together. They had planned cosplays together, sung Dont Stop Me Now by Queen together in the car, and they had spent so many lunch periods together. It made her wonder where all of that time went. Lapis hit "play" as the familiar beat of Closer began to play. It made her smile.

Lapis ran her fingers through her hair as she gripped the pen in her hand. Lapis wouldn't give up her chance with Jasper for the world. Despite Jasper insisting that the past was gone, Lapis still managed to hold onto it, making it a daily reverie of her mind. It was so precious to her, and Lapis knew one thing for sure: she would make this a pretty damn amazing tattoo. She wiped away some stray tears in her eyes as she continued. It felt as if she was alone in her room again, dancing and singing and feeling free with her own thoughts.

"So baby pull me closer in the backseat of your rover.."

Lapis smiled as she let her pen flow across the gem freely, creating beautiful shapes and patterns.

"That I know you can't afford like the tattoo on your shoulder.."

Lapis didn't care if anyone was listening to her sing decade old songs like a teenager again. She was free, by herself; and for a moment, it seemed like she was 16 again. It seemed like everything between her and Jasper was restored, and she could be innocent and carefree once again. She could laugh and joke with Jasper and Amethyst as if nothing had happened. Lapis fit in somewhere. She had friends.

Soon, the Jasper became like a historical work of art. It looked _beautiful._ The Jasper was colored orange and yellow, with black outlines and shapes within it: triangles, circles, stripes, and scales lined the Jasper and added an impressive amount of detail. The border of the Jasper had been doubled, and there was a gorgeous banner in the center with roses on either side that read "Jasper" in Lapis's signature font. She was exhausted, but so ecstatic that it made her heart pound like a drum. She let her fingers slide across the new piece as she let herself smile. _Jasper will love this,_ she thought. 

Jasper arrived in the parlor half an hour later. She seemed to be talking to the receptionist as Lapis stepped to the front, waving at the tall woman shyly, smiling.

"Hey, Jasper!" Lapis exclaimed, letting off more emotion than she thought she had. Jasper simply gave her a smile and a nod as she led her into her room. Jasper took a seat across from Lapis, leaning back and crossing her arms. A sheet of paper was turned down on her thigh.

"So, I was thinking we could do something like this," Lapis started as she revealed her artwork to Jasper. "I think it'd suit you! It would look nice on your upper arm."

Jasper stopped her there. "I was actually thinking of this," she said at the exact moment Lapis's heart sank. 

Jasper turned the paper over to reveal a.. shark. A great white shark. Lapis covered the lower half of her face with her palm, as she muffled an "I can do that." It took all of her willpower to not tell Jasper that she had actually designed the tattoo for her, but who was she to dictate what someone put on their body? It was better to just leave it be.

"If you could sit here I'll apply the stencil to your arm now." She nods, going to where Lapis directs her to sit as she begins to outline the tattoo on her arm. Not Lapis's, the shark tattoo. _The horrendous shark tattoo,_ she thinks to herself. If she was any of her other clients, it wouldn't bother her in the slightest. Yet, this felt _off._

"Mind if I turn on some music?" Lapis asks.

"Go ahead, knock yourself out."

Lapis turns on her radio, and instantly The Chainsmokers come on from earlier. Lapis blushes and begins to apologize and change to the 80s rock, but Jasper waves her hand. "Nah, its aight. I still listen to Fall Out Boy for christ's sake. Lapis allows herself to laugh as she continues working on the outline. The tips of her fingers feel Jasper's soft, muscular skin as she resists the urge to rub her thumb along the groove of her bicep.

"So, is that good?" Lapis asks after she finishes the stencil.

Jasper nods. "Yeah."

"I'll start inking then."

"Okay."

It was weirdly quiet as Lapis began to prepare her tattoo needles and fill them with ink from behind Jasper. She sighs to herself, then putting on a smile.

"Ready?" She asks Jasper, perky as opposed to before.

"Yep," Jasper offered as a simple response, giving Lapis a thumbs up.

Lapis sat on the stool next to Jasper's arm, holding the needle in her hand. She went over the stencil slowly, letting her needle do its work. Jasper was quietly watching the other girl, expressionless. The needle slid across the stencil, seemingly timeless before Lapis reached for more ink.


End file.
